Snake in my bath

Flat x
XX Little Street
Chichester
West Sussex
PO19 1XX

Customer Services
Croydex Ltd
Central Way
Andover
Hampshire
SP10 5AW

17 October 2010

Dear Sir

I am writing to complain about one of your products I have purchased from your range of shower accessories. More specifically I would like to have a moan about your Croydex stainless steel 1.5m shower hose.

I invested in said hose at the end of August for my rented flat in Chichester. Because it is a rented property I am not allowed a shower. I foolishly thought I would buy a shower hose and nozzle and attach it to the bath taps in a vain attempt to pretend I was a home owner with a proper shower. For a while it gave me a certain amount of dignity. Since my initial purchase, I have had many happy mornings rinsing myself down in the bath like a filthy dog after a long walk on the beach, for this I thank you. However, today something disturbing happened.

This morning I was worried about lots of things. I have recently lost my job and the future is a little bit frightening as some of you at Croydex can imagine. I felt anxious about money and how I was going to pay the rent and buy food and play the fruit machine. So, I thought I would have a nice bath to relax. That was a big mistake. I ran a bath, added some Radox Calming Moods Bath Essence, de-robed and slid-in for a nice relaxing soak. Then I felt something sinister move by my leg. It felt a bit snakey. I moved my leg away from the snakey thing. Suddenly, totally unprovoked, it bit me! And that really hurt Croydex.

When my girlfriend got home from work I told her what had happened. She explained it was probably a hair on my leg getting caught in one of the springy type joints of the hose as I had absolutely no visible bite marks or any physical injury whatsoever. She also said I was being a bit of a girl and I should stop being stupid. What does she know? I thought. She only works in admin.

I thought I should write to let you know as I am sure you will want to investigate this incident further and possibly warn your other customers that this particular type of hose has a tendency to pretend to be a snake. I purchased this shower hose from a man called Robert Dyas who owns a shop in Chichester with the same name. Although I have never actually met Robert himself I have purchased lots of stuff from him before. He is a good man. During your investigations I wish for no harm to come to him or his family.

Kind Regards

@Wh1sks

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8 thoughts on “Snake in my bath

  1. You shouldn’t have bought the green one. Although I’ve heard tales of how the flesh-coloured ones pretend to be willies, so you may or may not have preferred that.

  2. “During your investigations, I wish for no harm to come to him or his family” — best bit for me!

  3. You should enquire as to whether it is a native UK hose where there are no known poisonous snakes or if it was made in China or India where venomous snakes abound. This may give you some comfort.

  4. A bunch of us are going to see Saw 3D soon and wondered if you were up for it? Remember when Rich shit his pants at Saw 7? Hilarious! Oh, and you get special glasses this time; red and blue lenses. Cool or what! Looking forward to it again, albeit the last time. Cheers.

  5. Just wanted to say this made me laugh so much this evening. Thank you. Also, I hope you find a new job soon. Good luck 

  6. Love this. Love a good complaint letter.

    I was born in Chichester and on a visit back there some years ago I ended up in a club called ‘Thursdays’, which was in the middle of a field. On the way back, I fell out of a taxi.

    I’m following you on Twitter and will enjoy reading on.

  7. A snake in your bath is not as bad as a dog in your bath. My friend sent me a photo the other day of her in the bath with her dog. She has a fanny (my friend) and I couldn’t help but wonder that something could crawl off the dog and into her fanny hair or worse – right into her fanny. Who baths with their dogs? That’s disgusting. I’m not friends with her anymore.

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